Published at Mar 29, 2025
Oh, the joys of being an Android developer in 2025! For those considering this special form of self-torture, let me walk you through the wonderland of contradictions, arbitrary rules, and moving goalposts that is the Google ecosystem. Buckle up, because this ride only goes downhill.
Remember FragmentManager? That beautiful piece of engineering that Google insisted was the way to build Android apps? What about AsyncTask, the Loader framework, or the Widget system? Each one was presented with the reverence of the Second Coming, only to be unceremoniously thrown into the deprecation dumpster a few years later.
The true marvel here is how a trillion-dollar company with supposedly the “best and brightest” engineers on the planet consistently fails to design a decent API. It’s almost impressive! You’d think that with their legendary hiring bar, stock options that print money, and all those PhDs roaming their campus, they might occasionally stumble into creating something usable – yet here we are. Their process seems to be: 1) Create a half-baked API, 2) Force everyone to adopt it, 3) Realize it’s fundamentally flawed, 4) Deprecate it, 5) Repeat with equal confidence and another equally bad replacement.
But here’s the kicker – Google’s own apps continue using these “terrible, horrible, no-good” APIs long after we peasant developers are scolded for not adopting the shiny new approach. Nothing says “we value your time” quite like forcing you to rewrite perfectly functional code while Google’s Gmail app chugs along on APIs that would get your app rejected. It’s almost as if they don’t actually believe their own best practices! Shocking, I know.
The double standards are truly a sight to behold. If your app dares to run a background process for more than a nanosecond, you’ll be exiled from the Play Store faster than you can say “battery optimization.” Meanwhile, Google’s apps have carte blanche to drain your battery, access every corner of your system, and generally ignore any rule that might inconvenience them.
Design guidelines? Those are for the little people! Google’s apps sport a dazzling array of conflicting design patterns that would make Picasso question his understanding of coherence. But don’t you dare stray from Material Design, you rebel.
It’s the digital equivalent of a parent smoking while lecturing their child about the dangers of cigarettes. “Rules for thee but not for me” isn’t just a saying; it’s Google’s business model.
What’s truly baffling is that these are the same “rockstar” engineers who supposedly can solve whiteboard algorithm puzzles while blindfolded and write perfect balanced tree implementations during lunch breaks. Yet somehow, when it comes to designing APIs that actual humans need to use, their collective genius produces interfaces so convoluted they’d make Rube Goldberg wince. It’s like watching concert pianists try to play with oven mitts on – these brilliant minds somehow churn out APIs that feel deliberately designed to make your life miserable.
Just when you thought you understood the game, Google changes the rules. The 20 tester requirement is particularly delightful – because every solo developer definitely has 20 friends willing to test their obscure utility app. Can’t find 20 testers? Too bad! Your app isn’t worthy of the Play Store’s hallowed grounds.
And let’s not forget the joy of waking up to discover that overnight, Gradle updated and broke your entire build system. Or that a new Android version decided that the API you rely on is now forbidden fruit. Nothing says “productive workday” like spending hours fixing something that wasn’t broken yesterday.
Oh, and the edge-to-edge enforcement? Chef’s kiss of hypocrisy. Google strongly pushes all apps to support their fancy new edge-to-edge UI requirements, making it seem like your app’s future depends on it, while quietly burying the opt-out option in documentation they know you won’t read. Meanwhile, half of Google’s own apps aren’t ready for it, including – wait for it – Google Play itself! It’s like being lectured on punctuality by someone who showed up two hours late to give the lecture. But don’t worry, the guidelines only apply to us little people, not to the almighty Google apps that apparently exist in some parallel universe where their own design principles are merely optional suggestions.
But the real cherry on top? Having your app removed without warning because an AI – clearly the pinnacle of infallible judgment – decided your calculator app is actually malware. Try contacting customer service! Oh wait, there isn’t any. Enjoy shouting into the automated void that is Google’s appeal system. Maybe a human will read your plea sometime next century.
As if the app-specific headaches weren’t enough, your entire digital existence hangs by a thread. One algorithmic hiccup and your Google account vanishes like Thanos snapped his fingers – taking your email, documents, photos, and your ability to develop with it.
Spent years building your reputation and business on Google’s platforms? Too bad! An automated system flagged you for reasons it won’t disclose, and now you’re digital persona non grata. Hope you didn’t need those years of emails or the photos of your children! Should have read the 50-page Terms of Service more carefully, you silly developer.
Google loves to tout its commitment to open source, which apparently means “We built this for our specific use case at Google scale, and if it happens to work for you, great! If not, well… have you tried being a billion-dollar corporation?”
Their open source projects have all the hallmarks of tools built by engineers who have never had to worry about normal-scale problems. It’s like being handed a nuclear reactor when you asked for a light bulb – technically it produces light, but the implementation might be overkill for your living room.
And the cycle of API incompetence continues in these “open source” offerings. Google engineers, with their legendary pedigrees and compensation packages that rival small nations’ GDPs, somehow can’t fathom that not everyone is building search engines that index the entire internet. These are the same geniuses who will spend six months perfecting an algorithm to shave 2ms off a process that runs once a year, then release an API so fundamentally broken it doubles your development time. But hey, they passed those algorithm interviews with flying colors, so clearly they must know what they’re doing!
Kubernetes somehow escaped this fate, probably because it fled the Google nest before it could be completely Googlified. The exception that proves the rule.
At this point, you might be wondering why anyone would choose to be an indie Android developer. It’s a fair question, and one I ask myself daily, usually while staring blankly at yet another cryptic Gradle error.
The ecosystem increasingly feels like a game rigged against small players. The constant maintenance burden, arbitrary rule changes, and ever-present risk of digital execution make the ROI calculation look like a joke. It’s Stockholm Syndrome with a side of masochism.
Many developers are jumping ship – moving to iOS (out of the frying pan, into a slightly more predictable fire), web apps, or abandoning mobile entirely for platforms where the rules don’t change during your coffee break.
If Google genuinely wants a thriving ecosystem of indie developers – and I’m not convinced they do – here’s what they could try:
Until then, we’ll continue our abusive relationship with Android development, constantly walking on eggshells and wondering when the next “improvement” will destroy our livelihoods.
But hey, at least we get to put “Android Developer” on our resumes! That should come in handy when we’re all eventually forced to find new careers after Google decides that third-party apps are no longer part of their vision for Android.